When you look in the mirror what do you see? What do you look for? Some days when I look in the mirror, I see a woman who's learned from her mistakes, and those mistakes have made her strong, and with a beautiful mind and soul. Other days I look in the mirror and I…
Author: nhammortree
Introducing myself has always given me anxiety.. how do I tell someone about me when I’m still figuring out who that person is? I’m a 25 year old woman living in New York City. I’m quirky, I’m outgoing, I’m intelligent, I’m anxious, I struggle with depression, I love cheese, I’m in recovery for Anorexia-Nervosa, I love baby goats, I have a passion for fitness, I’m an artist, I’m an auditor – I appear to be many things, but it’s time I start digging deeper than these surface-level categories I place myself in.
10 Steps Forward, a Few Steps Back
Yesterday was one of those days. Thoughts were spinning in my head, I looked in the mirror and immediately felt lost. Sometimes this happens because of anxiety, sometimes it happens when I don't address my negative Ed thoughts when they happen, and sometimes I don't really know why it happens until my therapist points out…
Why Do I Write?
Since starting this blog, I've had a number of people compliment me on my writing skills, my honesty, my vulnerability, and bravery. And the question that follows most of the time is how. How did I get into writing? How is it so easy for me to be vulnerable on this platform? It's something that…
Waiting For the Other Shoe to Drop
I haven't written in a few days. Not because I wasn't acknowledging my feelings and thoughts, but because I was living in them. The way that I feel in this moment proves that all discomfort truly is temporary, and that recovery is possible. The days and nights I cried when my meal plan was increased,…
Waking Up.
I woke up this morning with thoughts swirling around my head. I took a vacation day and was able to sleep in and wake up without an alarm. It sounds nice, and one would imagine that I would wake up and feel relieved to relax and enjoy my time off. But for some reason, I…
Confidence.
I feel like I've been working my whole life to be in a place where I'm truly confident in myself, my emotions, my body, my career path, and just my actions in general. It's like I keep thinking that one day a flip is going to switch and I will magically become this powerful, confident…
Fears.
They’re inevitable. Our fears may change throughout the course of our lives, but everyone is afraid of something. It could be a fear of clowns, of heights, of blood, of flying, etc., you get the point. Those aren't the fears that I want to focus on, though. The fear that I'm experiencing is a fear…
Goals.
We all set goals. We learned about setting goals at a young age. What do you want to be when you grow up? What’s your dream school? Your dream job? What ARE your dreams? We learn to set goals that are challenging to accomplish and once we achieve them, we get the dopamine release that…
Anorexic? Me? No Way.
At exactly this time last year, give or take a few weeks, I was at my lowest weight. I was 96 pounds. I would look in the mirror and what I saw was all muscle, no fat, and I was so proud of that. In my head, I was getting to peak physical condition, eating…
Numbers.
I'm a numbers person. I've been a numbers person my whole life. Math makes sense to me and I've always excelled in anything that deals with numbers. Because numbers don't lie. I can trust the numbers - what you see is all they are. And the second I wrote that I just realized how fucked…
Me, Myself, and I
These are the moments I struggle with the most. After the morning of a night out, after the workday is ended, after I'm back from dinner and drinks, when I get home from my boyfriend's. When I'm alone with my thoughts, that's when I struggle the most. I know I've come really far from when…
No, I’m Not Okay
You know when someone asks how you're doing and you feel obligated to just say 'I'm good, how are you?". Why is that? Why do we feel obligated to always reply with something positive? It's like we've lost touch with one another and asking how someone is doing is more of a formality rather than…
Fake it till you make it, right?
Everyone loves this motto. Fake it till you make it, that's the name of the game. Put on a fake smile and get through the day. The more I smile, the happier I am, right? At this point last year I was excelling at my job, I had great roommates, great friends, a great boyfriend,…
How do you start a blog about yourself when you’re still figuring out who that is?
I CARE ABOUT BEING LOVED BY OTHERS MORE THAN I CARE ABOUT BEING LOVED BY MYSELF. I wrote that in a journal I had started before I began my recovery journey in July of 2020. That journal was filled with me writing that I knew I needed help but wasn’t ready to get it. “I’m…
Blooming into Myself 